5 Secrets that Leaders Use to Deal with Difficult People

Is there someone you absolutely dread working with?

Maybe your stomach drops every time you see their name in your inbox. Or your instinct is to turn on a dime and hightail it out of there every time they enter the room…

Working with a difficult person can be draining at best - and totally infuriating at worst. (Especially if the difficult person is your boss!)

First, let’s look at why we find some people difficult to work with.

I believe there are a handful of reasons some working relationships feel strained:

• There are misinterpreted intentions

• There’s a lack of respect, autonomy, and / or understanding

• We have very different communication styles which can wreak havoc on relationships if we don’t know how to deal with it

• Sometimes we have very different world views and those differences can lead to big divides

No matter the reason for the strain, it’s critically important you’re able to deal with difficult people if you want to advance your career and take on a leadership role.

If you’re able to master the art of dealing with difficult people, you’ll be seen as someone who:

• Builds strong relationships

• Works well with all types of people

• Brings out the best in others

• Can cultivate great results for your team and your company

The great news is, these skills can be learned and practiced. (My Women’s Leadership Launchpad students get a whole week’s worth of training on this very topic!!)

Today, I’m opening the vault and I’m sharing 5 tips with you on how to deal with difficult people:

1. Gain clarity. They say that “99% of drama is caused by a lack of clarity,” and I have to say - this rings true in my own experience. If a working relationship feels strained, have a conversation to clarify roles, responsibilities and expectations. The more specific and tangible - the better. In doing so, you’ll often find that hurt feelings often stem from a simple miscommunication or misunderstanding.
   

2. Assume the best intentions. I truly believe that most people on this Earth do not have bad intentions. Yet - when there’s conflict in the workplace, time and time again - I hear people say it’s because of reasons like “He’s just after power.” Or “She only looks out for herself.” Why is this?
   
   Often times, when dealing with a difficult person, we assign meaning to their actions that’s not entirely accurate. We witness someone’s actions / behavior and we fill in the blanks as to what type of person they are or what their intentions were.
   
   Yet, if we pull them aside and ask them what their intentions were in a certain situation - we’ll see they truly weren’t malicious but the person may not have handled the situation in the best way.
   
   A conversation to understand intentions (on both sides) and to discuss how actions were interpreted can go a long way to mend fences and build relationships.

3. Focus on facts and shared goals. Conflict stems from our thoughts / emotional responses to what happens in a situation. The facts of a situation are by nature neutral. Our interpretations of facts are what causes us to feel a certain way.
   
   For example - do you work with someone that peppers you with A MILLION questions every time you share a proposal? Do you leave that conversation feeling attacked and undermined?
   
   While it can be hard to keep your cool in scenarios like this - a helpful reminder you can say to yourself:“This person is asking questions to draw out the most information possible.” And “the point of providing the information so that we can make a well-informed decision in order to reach our company’s goals.”
   
   If you go into conversations with a difficult person prepared to focus on the facts and your common goals - the outcomes of the conversation will be much more productive.
   

4. Draw your boundaries and know when to stand up for yourself. When dealing with difficult people, it’s important to understand and communicate what you will tolerate and what you won’t.
   
   For example, if one of your colleagues is belittling you - you can interject and say “While I’m open to constructive criticism, I do not tolerate personal attacks or disrespectful comments. Do you have suggestions or solutions to share? If so, I’m open to hearing those. If not, I’m going to disengage from this conversation.”
   
   Often times, those with abrasive personalities respect you more for standing your ground.
   

5. Recognize toxicity and take appropriate action. There are certain times where difficult behaviors cross into toxic territory. If you spot harassment, discrimination, dishonesty, unethical behavior, or threats - it’s time to report the behavior to HR / management - or - if you’re a business owner, issue a warning in writing and take action to terminate work / report the offense if necessary.

While working with difficult people requires patience, practice and effort - the dividends can be huge in your relationships and in your career.

If you’d like to learn more about The Women’s Leadership Launchpad, let’s connect and we’ll see if it’s a good fit for you.

Go gettum, love.